~ Poems of Love ~

The following poems have been written by me, for my husband Hamada, who suffered from Multiple Myeloma [IgG Kappa] a cancer of the plasma cells, which are found in the bone marrow. After many months of chemotherapy, contracting pneumonia twice, once given only twelve hours to live and having three bad fractures to his spine and also showing in his Pelvis, he made it to four years seven months. The Multiple Myeloma attacked his Kidneys first showing at diagnosis in May 2006 leaving Hamada only a small percentage of kidney function. He never complained, using his most amazing smile even when I knew he had severe pain. Hamada underwent a Stem Cell Transplant using his own 'harvested stem cells' . During October 2007 he spent seventeen days in the "Centre For Clinical Haematology" at Nottingham City Hospital UK. where he achieved this transplant. We had a scare at six months after transplant, when told 'the beast was back' but subsequent tests showed a partial remission. Again in early 2009 it was confirmed that Hamada was out of remission He fought again during 2010 with newer chemo type drugs. First with Velcade and then with Revlimid but to no avail. His Kidneys were failing further and Hamada chose not to have dialysis. This blog contains poems and updates, written for Hamada, telling of our life together.
Now a beautiful book has been published, see http://www.susiehemingway.com/books/
showing Hamada's personal fight against Multiple Myeloma in the first fifty 'poems of love' written by me his wife. I hope you like these poems of love and also 'our story' dedicated to Hamada, who passed away peacefully at home on 23 November 2010 after a most courageous fight against Multiple Myeloma.

10 May, 2010

Under A Lovers Gaze.

Under a lovers gaze stoic and stubborn
I fight for you,
in watchful waiting the power of my mind
spurs me on…
The tiredness of these determined efforts for you,
to strive is hard to do.
With strength needed as not to succumb
I walk on and on,
for there can never be amongst this pain
nothing left for you ?

Don’t ever think I do not clearly see
for if only my eyes could shut out all,
to mar, inflict distress, destroy the purity of,
impair, fatally ruin – All this !

Through my smiles, the anguish of my heart,
flows in time with this wretched beast
as it continues it’s wicked path.

Under my lovers gaze, I fight for you.

*“There is freedom within
There is freedom without
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup,
there’s a battle ahead, many battles are lost”

*Extract from the Song “Don’t Dream Is Over” by Crowded House Written by Neil Finn 1987

Photo courtesy: Matt Rutherford @ www.mattrutherford.com

© Susie Hemingway 2010


aslan said...

Very strong,hart poem Susie!

Sandy said...

Your poetry says in a few succinct lines what it might take another to say in a book, Susie. The image is set in my head and in my heart as I pray for you and your beloved Hamada.

Susie Hemingway said...

Thanks Aslan for your good comprehension of my words x

Susie Hemingway said...

@ Sandy Thanks, These past few difficult days throw-up heartfelt words - sometimes not always easy for the reader to comprehend - I am pleased that I manage to convey my frustration and total dismay - thank you for your understanding x

Please keep an eye out for my post:
"From Little Acorns" which will be posted next !

Barbara said...

How my heart aches for you.. I check often for some good news, a turn in the curve.. your poetry captures such emotions and the journey.. seek comfort in knowing that we are all out here.. hoping, praying, wanting it all to be better.

Anonymous said...

this one made me cry, it is so beautiful. I wish Greg (my caregiver) had a way to express himself and what all HE is going through alongside me. I guess his way is going fly fishing. But what is he thinking/ feeling?

Unknown said...

I can definitely feel this, Susie, probably more with this poem than maybe any other of yours that I've read... Beautiful, powerful, frustrated, exhausted, sad, defiant: all are here.

Susie Hemingway said...

Thank you Barbara for your kind thoughtful words which so helped with this latest disappointment.

@KT I am sure that Greg feels your pain terribly and takes his feelings off fly-fishing so as not to upset you. We send our love and wish you so much good luck with your new regime. Stay strong and positive.

Susie Hemingway said...

Thank you dear Walt,
You are so right, this poem contains all those emotions and once out, helps me to continue again in my supportive role. Our best wishes to you and Martha x

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