~ Poems of Love ~

The following poems have been written by me, for my husband Hamada, who suffered from Multiple Myeloma [IgG Kappa] a cancer of the plasma cells, which are found in the bone marrow. After many months of chemotherapy, contracting pneumonia twice, once given only twelve hours to live and having three bad fractures to his spine and also showing in his Pelvis, he made it to four years seven months. The Multiple Myeloma attacked his Kidneys first showing at diagnosis in May 2006 leaving Hamada only a small percentage of kidney function. He never complained, using his most amazing smile even when I knew he had severe pain. Hamada underwent a Stem Cell Transplant using his own 'harvested stem cells' . During October 2007 he spent seventeen days in the "Centre For Clinical Haematology" at Nottingham City Hospital UK. where he achieved this transplant. We had a scare at six months after transplant, when told 'the beast was back' but subsequent tests showed a partial remission. Again in early 2009 it was confirmed that Hamada was out of remission He fought again during 2010 with newer chemo type drugs. First with Velcade and then with Revlimid but to no avail. His Kidneys were failing further and Hamada chose not to have dialysis. This blog contains poems and updates, written for Hamada, telling of our life together.
Now a beautiful book has been published, see http://www.susiehemingway.com/books/
showing Hamada's personal fight against Multiple Myeloma in the first fifty 'poems of love' written by me his wife. I hope you like these poems of love and also 'our story' dedicated to Hamada, who passed away peacefully at home on 23 November 2010 after a most courageous fight against Multiple Myeloma.

23 August, 2010

We Pretend - by Susie Hemingway

Do we pretend dear one?
As judgements are made and disclosed
In fretful haze we nuzzle closer
To mirror the fears that we know
Do we pretend dear one?
As smiles and platitudes wither my heart
Perhaps we do, as we dream anew
Of positive days that will last.

We laugh as we follow regimes
But I'm frightened of this new terrain
Praying, dreaming and hoping
That this time there will be some gain.
Still in the consuming darkness
When sleep will just not come
I hear you fretful in slumber
Are we pretending dear one?

As in the yellowing dawn light
My heart pushes down the pain
I think of all the others fighting a similar game,
I think of how far we've all come
Such bravery that cuts through this bane
To push down this 'Wicked Beast',
And make positive steps to gain.

No! I don't think we're pretending
Not in the very least
I'm proud of my Warrior
Who struggles through, with steely belief
Proud of my friends who daily defend
Giving him cause to go on,
And yes of course I know we can make it
We've really no need to pretend,
We've really no need to pretend.


Barbara said...

Susie.. such a wonderful gathering of thoughts (as you always do).. we share such common desires and knowing that we do not pretend.. we feel it all.. the joys, the fears, the hopes.. God Bless you both and thank you for your comforting words.

Michael Morse said...

You perfectly described my room, at dawn, when neither of us can sleep, worried, asking silently will today be the day that walking is impossible?

Yet every day she stands, and walks. And I walk beside her.

No pretending there!

Susie Hemingway said...

Thank you Barbara for taking the time to comment here - we do feel it all for our loved ones, the hope each time they start with something new. We try to stay positive for them, we must! (not always easy is it?) and remain strong, giving as much encouragement as possible. As Always my very best wishes to you - Hugs x

Susie Hemingway said...

@ Michael. Bringing that strength to your wife is the most precious of all the gifts you can give her. Our nights and days of worrying are because we care; and taking time to care is what makes life go round in the correct manner.
For without our worried sleepless nights and compassion for our partners there is not much in my eyes to make this world a good place to be. Somehow from being a supported wife the roles have reversed and I am in charge now and must never 'pretend'that I cannot cope with this. You and your dear wife remain in my daily thoughts and prayers (such as they are!)

Nick said...

What a beautiful and powerful poem, Susie. Thank you as always for sharing the gift of your writing but just as much the gift of your insight, openness and strength.

You and Hamada remain in my thoughts and prayers -- I hope he is doing well with his new regime. Stay strong!!

Your friend,


Susie Hemingway said...

Thanks Nick, Yes so far so good with the Revlimid, just completed Course No 1 - 21 days without any problems and no platelet top-ups. A weeks rest now, except for the filgastim injections which continue three times per week. Praying now Revlimid will do some good. Keep well.

Dave King said...

This is really well written. Excellently done.

Sandy said...

You bring into crystal clarity the challenges loving partners face with this awful disease and yet there is hope in your phrasing - so needed sometimes. Each time you write and share with us we are blessed to have another gem to string into our necklace of courage, faith, hope and love - and like worry beads we can go back to them to read and be restored. Thanks again, and continued intentions for Hamada's relief with this new round...

Susie Hemingway said...

@ Dave. Many thanks for your comment. Generous indeed from the Master.

@ Sandy. Thank you Dear Sandy, Your comment is so giving and inspires me to continue with my journal of poems. Thank you also for your continued support and positive thoughts for dear Hamada.

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