~ Poems of Love ~

The following poems have been written by me, for my husband Hamada, who suffered from Multiple Myeloma [IgG Kappa] a cancer of the plasma cells, which are found in the bone marrow. After many months of chemotherapy, contracting pneumonia twice, once given only twelve hours to live and having three bad fractures to his spine and also showing in his Pelvis, he made it to four years seven months. The Multiple Myeloma attacked his Kidneys first showing at diagnosis in May 2006 leaving Hamada only a small percentage of kidney function. He never complained, using his most amazing smile even when I knew he had severe pain. Hamada underwent a Stem Cell Transplant using his own 'harvested stem cells' . During October 2007 he spent seventeen days in the "Centre For Clinical Haematology" at Nottingham City Hospital UK. where he achieved this transplant. We had a scare at six months after transplant, when told 'the beast was back' but subsequent tests showed a partial remission. Again in early 2009 it was confirmed that Hamada was out of remission He fought again during 2010 with newer chemo type drugs. First with Velcade and then with Revlimid but to no avail. His Kidneys were failing further and Hamada chose not to have dialysis. This blog contains poems and updates, written for Hamada, telling of our life together.
Now a beautiful book has been published, see http://www.susiehemingway.com/books/
showing Hamada's personal fight against Multiple Myeloma in the first fifty 'poems of love' written by me his wife. I hope you like these poems of love and also 'our story' dedicated to Hamada, who passed away peacefully at home on 23 November 2010 after a most courageous fight against Multiple Myeloma.

02 December, 2010

Let Me Not - by Susie Hemingway

Let me not falter dear Lord.
Let me not fall at this final hurdle.
Guide me now to complete this task.
Let me not plaintively wail and scream as my heart doth now.

Allow me to show dignity that he always showed.
Let me not stand beneath the stars and scream his name aloud.
Let me remember this day, as we honour him.
Grant me the courage that he always showed.

Let me not go down on my bended knees and shout at the sky,
And implore you to return him to me.
Let me not fall at this final hurdle.
Give me the strength Oh Lord not to fail,
with this final task...

Susie Hemingway December 2010
All Rights reserved.

"Poetry is the opening and closing of a door,
leaving those who look through to guess about
what is seen during a moment" Carl Sandburg.

" I pray that the poems written by me on this blog have done just that" Susie Hemingway.


Elizabeth @ The Garden Window said...

Oh Susie,

Both my heart and my eyes are full of tears as I read this. You manage to create such lyrical, truthful beauty even at this poignant time.

Sending heaps of love, hugs and prayers your way as you face the final and very public "Goodbye" to Hamada...........

Barbara said...

Susie.. you are not alone.
Hamada's spirit is alive and beside you to hold you up to guide you..and to nudge to reflect on memories tocalm the aching heart.

Grieve.. you must let those emotions out.. its OK to scream to the skies.. its OK..

You are a lady of grace and dignity.. such a perfect match for Hamada.. a true reflection of his love. take comfort sweet Susie..

Sandy said...

You will... have the strength, the courage, the fortitude, the stamina to carry it off, Susie, and Your Beloved Hamada will show you that he is near you through it all. Look for the signs, the scents, the dreams or the peculiar events which he will choose to comfort you and to reassure you of his everlasting love for you.
As Barbara said, his spirit is alive - it is only the physical body that he has cast off. Well, this is my own belief and I hope with all my heart that you find comfort in my words sent to you with deep affection at this time. Hugs, Sandy

Beth said...

Dear Susie,

My thoughts are with you and your family. You have had such a positive influence in my life, even though we've never met.


Michael Morse said...

You may scream his name aloud, and go to bended knee, and shout his name and implore Him to return Hamada to you.

You just may.

But fail? Never. It's just not in you.

Tina Spencer-Keyse said...

Love to you all...

I've been thinking of you so much as you face saying your farewell tomorrow. Remember you don't need to be brave all the time and nobody will expect you to be... if you feel like screaming at the skies and asking why then just bloody do it - even if you do it silently from inside it might help.

I'm absolutely sure Hamada will be there silently holding your hand and helping you get through the day. Time won't ever fully heal but it will help... be patient and give it time.

All my love and blessings to you and your family and friends for tomorrow. Remember... you have to say farewell to anyone before you can meet again.


Roobeedoo said...

You are allowed to make a big noise and shout out that it's not fair. You ARE! Just as you are allowed to be still and quiet and gather your strength. There is no right or wrong way to be at this time. Just don't fight your feelings and you'll come through. Many hugs.

Anonymous said...

I second all that Roobeedoo and others have said. I believe God wants us to be honest with Him/Her and not put on a brave face. We pretend everything's fine with people we aren't so close to, but we can and should let our true feelings show with our nearest and dearest. I believe that God, and Hamada, believe it's okay for you to feel all you are feeling. I wish you comfort and peace. You are hugely courageous.

N-ya... Nana Yaa Antwi-Gyamfi said...

God bless you for your faithfulness and love to Hamada. I know neither of you; but thank you so much for making his final years, especially, so beautiful. You have blessed him with a love beyond what many others could ever dream. May God Himself comfort you. xoxo

jaloysisus said...

Thank you so much for this lovely poem that expresses the inexpressible so beautifully.

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